Where Are the Records?

“My grandmother kept her savings money interleaved between lingerie in a drawer. After a few hours, we found enough to pay for a meal service. I’m glad I remembered her mentioning that.”

“My mother is very organized. She showed us a file drawer in the den in which she had files for every investment, insurance policy and bank account. After she was hospitalized, my brothers and I found other things around the house, but we knew basically where everything was.”

“My dad has everything on the computer. Checking account, insurance records, he’s a real technology buff.”

We've been talking this week about gathering information on your parent's status and some tips for recording and storing that information. Part of what you need to know is where your parent keeps the household, financial and medical records.

Money. Insurance. Bank Accounts. Title for the House. Title for the Car. Investments. All important topics for a caregiver who may need to manage the finances as well as provide care for an aging parent. Touchy subjects. Emotional subjects. We live in a society where financial information is not readily shared. Your current salary is not going to come up around the office coffee pot or the holiday dinner table. And if you live miles away, time constraints and the desire just to “catch up” may push this topic to the back of the conversational closet. When preparing to care for your parent, social reticence and personal unease about finances put you at a disadvantage.

If you think that you might be your parent's caregiver in the near future, at the very least, KNOW WHERE THE RECORDS ARE KEPT.

Is the bank book in the old desk in Dad’s office? Does your mother keep a file cabinet in the basement for the insurance policies? Are all the credit card bills in a shoebox under the bathroom sink? Does your father keep stock certificates in folders under the mattress? Doesn’t matter. Even if you don’t know the details of your parent’s financial situation, you’ll be better able to care for your parent if you know where to look for important information.

What To Look For First
• Health insurance cards and plan descriptions
• Other insurance information: life, travel, accident
• Descriptions of current Medicare/Medicaid regulations and coverage
• Bank books, checking/savings/credit union account records
• Certificates of Deposit (CD’s)
• Social Security benefits papers
• Taxes
• Liabilities: the mortgage, credit cards, car payments
• Retirement benefits papers from employment (there may be two or three sets of records if your parent moved from one company to another)
• Investment accounts, stocks, bonds, property
• Safe Deposit Box keys and location of the box
• Locations of jewelry, heirlooms, boats and furniture
• The Will or Living Trust, Power of Attorney, Advance Medical Directives

Suggestions
• If your parent won’t tell you exactly where she keeps things, keep your eyes open while you visit. Her actions may give you some clue as to where to look.
• If your parent is reluctant to talk about finances, reassure her it’s for her welfare that you ask, not because you want to steal from her. You can’t blame your parent for being cautious. You’ve probably heard of children walking off with their parents’ assets. Planning care should be a partnership with your parent. Try to make it one.
• If your parent will not share with you, find out if she has shared any information with one of her friends, your siblings, a lawyer, a neighbor or her accountant. Perhaps she's entrusted someone else. Don’t fume about her lack of trust in you; be relieved that there will be someone you can ask if the need arises. Add that person to the Contact List.
• If your parent will not share with you and has not shared with anyone else, do a little reconnaissance on your own when you visit. Take a quick peek in:

• Kitchen and bathroom cabinets
  
• Any office area or desk
  
• All closets; flip through clothes in drawers
  
• Any storage area: attic, basement, shed, garage

Your purpose is to locate the records, not remove them. If your parent becomes incapacitated later, then you'll be better prepared to find the necessary paperwork.

If your parent can give you a "records tour", all the better. If not, be prepared to play detective. You'll be doing your parent--and yourself--a huge favor if you know where the records are.

Blessings on your caregiving today!

Your Parent's Contact List

Caregiving often means that you must rely on people who live closer to your parent to support him and to let you know how he’s doing. Neighbors, family, friends, professionals, ministers, work colleagues--all of these people may have a role in your parent's life and can help you check on his status and be a useful source of information as you walk the caregiving journey.

If all your family members live out-of-town or if you are an only child, the list of contacts becomes a vital source of support and help that will permit you to make informed decisions about your parent's care and to mobilize help when you cannot be there physically. Creating a care team (which we'll talk about in a later post), of which some of these contacts may be a large part, is good caregiving.

People who should be in your parent's Contact List:
• Family attorney
• Minister where your parent attends church, or spiritual partner
• Family accountant and/or financial planner
• Family physician
• Neighbors
• Your parent’s supervisor, if he still works outside the home
• Friends
• Family
• Landlord or Apartment Manager, if he rents
. Local Police

A note about the police. Find out how the local police handle situations when phone calls to homes go unanswered. If your parent doesn't answer the phone when you expect her to, can the police intervene and how will they?

If your parent does fall ill and you assume a more active caregiver role, this list may expand to include:
• All physicians treating or consulting on your parent's case
• Contacts in their living facility
• Local organizations providing services to your parent
• ElderCare Referral Agencies
• The Eldercare Locator service
• Real estate agent
• Social workers
• Hospital nurses
• Geriatric Case Manager
• Funeral Home Director

Look for a Holiday Card List or Address Book
If your parent has an address book or a holiday card list, now is a good time to find out where he keeps it and perhaps look it over for other ideas of contacts. If your parent becomes too ill to keep in touch with his friends, you can write a letter to the people in the card list or address book to let them know the situation and encourage them to write or call.

When thinking of whom to add to your list, consider...
Whom does my parent trust and turn to in times of trouble?
Who has a key to my parent's house?
Who looks in on my parent regularly?
Whom does my parent consider a confidant and friend?
Who helps with my parent’s finances and legal questions?

Important Tips
•Collect these names while your parent is still well. Meet as many as you can. Establish your own relationship with them. Discover from whom you might be able to ask for help. With this information, you'll feel more comfortable asking if a crisis occurs.
•Keep the list of contacts where you can easily find it. Either a section of your daily planner or a separate notebook works fine.
•The list must be portable; as part of your parent’s care team, you must be able to carry it with you.
•If you are using a palm pilot, cell phone and/or e-mail, be sure to have a back-up list electronically or in paper. I have heard horror stories of caregivers scrambling because their cell phone was damaged or stolen and all their contact numbers were lost.
•Don’t forget to note mailing addresses, cellular, work and home phone numbers and e-mail addresses for all contacts when they are available.

Your parent's contact list works alongside your parent's Care Log. Having this list goes a long way to reminding you that you are not alone. There are other people in your parent's life who care and will be able to help. Having this list provides you with more resources to call upon for support and information so that you can care more effectively.

Blessings on your caregiving day!

Keep a Care Log

We're talking about gathering information about your parent's status and as you learn more, you'll need to record what you've discovered. A place to begin is a Care Log.

The Care Log is simply a day-by-day record of the care your parent is receiving. Each entry marks an event in care: a discussion with a physician, medications prescribed, medical terms, an accident, diagnoses, decisions made, options offered. Start the Log as soon as you become concerned about your parent's health. Record what you know at the time and any questions you need to ask. My own notes were hurried and telegraphic as I listened and spoke with people on Mom's care team, but I later filled in the blanks as I learned more. This log was helpful in several ways:

•As my mother's illness progressed and she moved from hospital to rehabilitation to nursing care, healthcare personnel changed with those moves. I found that new physicians rarely studied her chart in detail before speaking with me. They asked me (I was astounded!) when certain procedures had taken place, what medications she was taking, what was the last medical approach. Only after this interview, would they consult the chart for details.
•Each new facility needed dates and physicians' names. Without the log, I would have been lost. With the log, I could easily find pertinent dates, relate details of discussions and maintain continuity in what care was being provided.
•The log was the main tool I used for sharing my mother's status and details of care with other members of the care team, with family, and with friends.

IMPORTANT: If you become the primary caregiver, this log must be portable--part of your daily planner, PalmPilot or a separeate notebook. If it's electronic, have a backup! My Mom's Care Log was a plain steno notebook. I filled one and part of another over my 5 years of caregiving.

When recording conversations with health professionals, take time to do the following:
· Note the date, time, the person with whom you're speaking, their position, the correct spelling of their name, with which institution they are affiliated (hospital, nursing home, rehabilitation center, etc.)
. Tell the speaker that you are taking notes and may need him or her to repeat things for you
· Ask the speaker to spell and explain any term with which you are unfamiliar
· Even if the speaker uses understandable English when describing your parent’s condition, ask for the medical term for the diagnosis or condition. If you wish to research the subject later, you will need these terms.
· Immediately after the conversation ends, read over your notes and fill in any details, expand on your shorthand, add your impressions. Anything that will clarify the situation and jog your memory in the future. You may be consulting this log months later.
· Make notes to get more information if you need it
. Add any new person to your Contact List (we'll talk about this resource in a later post)

Here's a sample of notes I recorded when my mother first entered the hospital.

10/28 8:30am
Dr. S T E V E N S, Jackson [Hospital]
Cat Scan--
Stroke? She's incoherent (didn't know what day it was)
Doesn't know, memory lost from yesterday
Dehydrated
Blood Sugar Low, BUN low (Liver function)
CNS: [Central Nervous System] Lumbar Puncture for neural infection
Large lump on left breast, mammogram to be taken
Neurology needed
Thursday we will know more

10/31
No heart attack!
Kidney function back to normal
Monday, biopsy on breast lump
No stroke: encephaletic pressure in the head; blocked ventricles?!
MRI for blockage
No neurologist [here]--U Pitt [she will need to be sent to Pittsburgh]
Breast Surgeon: S I R I P O N G
Spinal tap
Bone scan for cancer
Chest/ Upper, Lower GI

Remember that caregiving can last for months or years. But my caregiving experience taught me that whenever I now head for the hospital, doctor's office, clinic, I take a notebook with me, ready to write down what I learn. It's a good practice for your parent; it's a good practice for you.

Blessings on your caregiving today!

The Reality Checklist

This week, we're beginning a series of posts on gathering information to plan and prepare for parentcare. The first area of information that we identified last week was evaluating your parent's physical--and I'll add here--mental and spiritual status.

You may want to gather information when you first notice something has changed. Your normally even-tempered father's been irritable on the phone. He repeats things, complains. You've noticed at your Mom's house that the house is unusually disorganized--dishes in the sink, wash undone, a layer of dust on tabletops. Your parent’s behavior and temperament have shifted slightly, like a blurry photograph. Your instincts kick in. Something’s just not right. It may be the first time you realize that your parent is aging. And with a hand squeezing your stomach, you also realize that you are miles away. Part of that tension in your stomach may be the certainty that you will have to face caregiving when you and your parent are not on the best of terms. A lot of the worry comes from realizing that you don't know enough about your parent's day-to-day living.

Even if you are well along in your caregiving journey, you will need to establish an objective base line against which you can compare your parent's progress or decline. Then you can easily recheck every few weeks or months to see if anything in your parent's care routine needs to change. Remember that nothing is set in stone. Regular status checks help you to keep your information up-to-date, so you can arrange for proper care at the proper time.

You need The Reality Checklist. The Checklist contains a simple set of questions that cover the five major areas of a person's well-being: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and social. It helps you to gather facts as well as impressions. If you are to help your parent, you must be able to identify and communicate in concrete terms what has changed, what your parent can no longer do, physical symptoms, and what's not working in your parent's care.

· Don’t wait for a crisis, a fall, an illness, an accident. Honor your instincts. If you think your parent’s circumstances are changing, they probably are.
· Gather specific information about your parent. You may feel your father is depressed, but what behavior leads you to this conclusion? Has he lost touch with friends, cannot leave the house? Be as specific as you can.
. Constructing a picture now of your parent’s life will help you when you begin to look for ways to care for him.

Use The Checklist, then go on to...

. Confirm your own observations and impressions with others. Check with your siblings, other family members, neighbors, friends with whom your parent is close.
· After putting as many facts together as you can, talk with your parent. Ask him questions about how he’s getting along, what difficulties he may be having.
. Begin to ask “what if?” What if my parent will not be able to drive soon? What if she’ll need a housecleaner to help with the house? With each question, begin to think about the kind of services that might be needed.
. Consult the resources offered on the Parentcare 101 website to help you understand your parent's status and to make decisions.

With the Checklist in hand, you have a way to evaluate how your parent's doing. You have books, organizations and websites to consult for more information. You have health professionals, friends and relatives who can support you. You're doing great!

Blessings on your caregiving.

Information Is Good Care

During the next few weeks, we're going to discuss gathering the information that will help you during your caregiving journey. I've heard the saying "Information is Power", but in caregiving, "Information is Good Care". Having the right information at the right time is important in any aspect of life, but in caregiving that information becomes your bedrock. And you have an advantage. I know--and I'm sharing with you--the types of information you're going to need in advance. Even if you're at the beginning of the caregiving journey, you already have some idea of what you'll need. As a caregiver to your parent, at some point, you will need to know and be able to communicate:

• Your parent's physical status--health, abilities, mental acuity
• Where your parent's household, medical and financial records are filed or stored
• Who will be helping with your parent's care--family, friends, professionals
• Information about your parent's house
• Personal financial resources available for care--your parent's, yours, your family's
• Housing options for your parent
• Legal issues that will guide you handling your parent's affairs
• Insurance issues surrounding your parent's care
• Your parent's spiritual needs
• Your parent's wishes about their care, end-of-life decisions, living arrangements

In the long run, especially if your parent does not live with you, caregiving may be less about personal, physical, active care tasks but more often a series of information gathering expeditions and communicating decisions, managing resources, taking copious notes, and organizing others to provide actual care.

When you accept the job of caring for a parent, you do just that. You accept another job--at least part-time, and full-time if your parent has substantial needs and lives with you.

A lot of papers, e-mails, telephone calls, texts, websites, books, articles, information will be coming your way. Start thinking about how you might organize it so you can refer to it later.

Start now by thinking about the list of types of information listed above that you'll probably need for your parent. In each of those areas, what information about your parent do you already know? How much detail do you have? Do you need more?

What don't you know? In what areas do you feel a need for some serious information gathering? Can you suggest to the rest of us any areas that are particularly pressing?

Write a comment, send me an e-mail.

In the next few weeks, we'll start working through these areas and talk about what you're looking for and how to find it.

Nothing Is Set In Stone

Molly began helping with her father’s care a few months ago and is finding the experience far more difficult than she ever imagined. “I have such a hard time making decisions,” she admits. “What if I make the wrong choice? What if Dad doesn’t like the home nurse I hired? How can I choose when it’s Dad’s health, his life, I’m deciding? I want to do the right thing, but I’m afraid I’ll mess up somehow.”

We all want to do what’s best for our parent. We want to do what will work for us, too. In this striving for the best, for perfection in choosing, remember: there’s one thing certain in caregiving…Change.

Your parent’s condition will improve. Or worsen. Care services that worked well for a while suddenly don’t. The physician who has been seeing your parent retires. The rehabilitation therapist suggests that your parent may not be able to live alone again. The surgery that wasn’t needed last month is now critical.

The decision you made last week was made in last week’s situation and with last week’s information. This week will probably be different. Nothing is set in stone.

Adjustment and change. Normal.

What a relief!

Your first decision doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to fit the circumstances and information you have that day.

Considering Options
When you’re making a decision that seems particularly difficult or complex, try the following:

• Create a list of alternative choices. Write down as many as you can think of. One of those choices may be to postpone the decision. Brainstorm.

• Evaluate each choice. If you don’t have enough information about a choice, ask questions, find out more. Note the possible positive outcomes to each choice and the possible negative outcomes.

• Weigh the importance of those positive and negative outcomes on a scale from 1 to 10 (1 = I don’t care if this outcome happens; 10 = If this outcome happens, it will substantially affect my life and my parent’s care). There may be many negative outcomes to one choice, but those outcomes may not matter much to you or to your parent’s well-being.

• With your evaluations and the weights of the outcomes in hand, make a choice. Notice that now you have back-up choices if your first one doesn’t work out.

Permanent Consequences
There are some decisions that, by their nature, do have permanent consequences for you or your elder. The choice to remove an artificial respirator when signs of life have faded, the decision for surgery that will remove diseased tissue…these bring a permanent change to a person's health status. Using the suggestion for considering options above still applies, but the outcome weights will be near 10 for some choices. These decisions are particularly difficult.

But over the course of caregiving, nearly all the decisions you make for your parent will not have permanent consequences…inconvenient, less than optimal, aggravating consequences perhaps, but not permanent.

Resist acting or thinking that a decision is one of life-or-death when it is not.

To read more, try:

Simon, Sidney B. Getting Unstuck: Breaking through Your Barriers To Change. Chapter 4: Change and Options. p. 85-114. Grand Central Publishing, 1989.
This chapter provides more details about brainstorming choice options and how making effective decisions keeps you moving forward.

Throughout the caregiving experience, remember that you always have a chance to make changes, to adjust, to do something better, to do it differently. That’s the wonder and happiness of being human. We always have options. Usually more than we imagine. Next time we'll start exploring sources of information that will help rev up your imagination.

Blessings on you and your caregiving!

Your Situation Is Unique

This week here at Parentcare 101, we're talking about some life-long lessons that we caregivers need to take to heart. Today's topic discusses a fact that we often forget. Everyone's caregiving situation is unique. Let me share some stories from caregivers I've met.

Martha lives farthest from her hometown where her father still lives. She gets along well with one of her brothers, but has never felt close to the other two. Now that her father is ailing, she knows that they all need to talk about what’s going to happen, how they will care for him. It doesn’t help that her father is the classic curmudgeon. She dreads the conversation for she knows her brothers will expect her to do everything—and if she’s not careful, she just might take on that traditional role.

Kenneth is an only child. He and his parents have always been close and when his mom and dad both fell ill, he did not hesitate to arrange his life so that he could be with them as much as possible. He commutes the 100 miles several times a week. After a year, his wife can’t understand his continued devotion. She’s not sure she could do that for her parents. But she does understand that the hours Kenneth spends, he gives freely, from love.

Jordan’s father was abusive and walked out on the family when Jordan was 12. Now, when Jordan has a family and a good job, his ailing father is demanding aid from him. Jordan gave his father the number of the Area Agency on Aging in his father’s city and left it at that.

In my own situation, I was very surprised when a social worker commented, “You’re very fortunate, you know. You and your sister are talking and agree on the kind of care your mother should have. And all your relatives are happy to let you do what you want in the situation. That’s pretty rare.”

Family circumstances mold the way we approach a parent’s care. Some adult children freely give their time to their parents out of love. Others must wrest their caregiving from a morass of negative memories. In some families, the siblings are not talking. In some families, parent and child are best friends; in others, there is pitched battle whenever the two meet. Adult children live at varying distances; one with four children, one with none, all of them holding jobs, some married, some not. The variations of family types are infinite.

To add to the confusion, there is no contract between you and your parent, spelling out how much you owe your parent. There was no legal document drawn up at your birth with the mutual obligations specified. There are no guidelines to tell you how much each sibling should contribute or will. You make those decisions for yourself.

Across families, the care choices to be made, questions to be answered and the emotions are often the same—do we use home health care or move Dad to an assisted care facility? I'm so relieved Mom is settled in her new place. Which nursing home? I feel guilty that I’m not doing enough. How much can Mom do on her own? How will we pay for Dad’s care? I'm angry that my sister won't do more.

But for each situation, the caregivers enter uncharted territory. The way the decisions are made and how they are carried out are always different, based on the family situation.

Choose what’s best for the FAMILY.

Your family includes, first of all, YOU. Then comes everyone closest to you : spouse, children, parents and everyone involved with the caregiving: siblings, friends, relatives. That’s a lot of people, all of whom have worries, responsibilities, desires, just like you. Cut yourself--and everyone else--some slack.

What's the point here? There are several. Remember...

· Every family is different, so take ideas from other families, but do NOT compare your decisions against those made by other families. Do what’s best for your family.
· What you can give today may not be the same as what you can give in the future. Revisit your role in the process frequently.
· Review your priorities often; they will change with changing circumstances. How other families care may not be what you’re prepared to give or capable of giving. Recognize this, listen to advice, but remember that your situation is unique.

Think about the specifics of your care situation, the people involved, the finances available, the housing resources available, the relationships. Have you heard of any other caregiving circumstance exactly like yours? Do you listen to advice, but rework it to fit your own circumstances?

Once you’ve decided on what’s best for your family and for you, let go of the anxiety and get on with the doing. Do what you can. It will be enough.

Your First Priority is You

Are you kidding? I have my kids, my job, my spouse, my parent to think about. They’re my top priorities.

Think about your life now.

How do you feel...

When you haven’t gotten enough sleep, haven’t eaten a decent meal in days, have pushed yourself until your head and shoulders and stomach throb with tension?

When you haven’t had a chance in weeks to connect meaningfully with another person, talk out your worries, have fun just doing nothing?

When you haven’t had a moment to yourself in days?

You can't serve others with energy, patience and love when you have less than your best to give.

Making Yourself Your Top Priority Does NOT Mean…
· Ignoring the responsibilities and obligations that you have to your loved ones.
· Refusing to do something for your parent simply because it is “inconvenient” or because you “don’t feel like it”.
· Misusing your choices in life to disregard real needs your parent may have.
. Becoming self-absorbed.

Making Yourself Your Top Priority Means…
· Recognizing that you have a right to your own life, that your needs are just as important as anyone else’s.
· Letting your own life and well-being take precedence so that you will be ready physically and emotionally when you most need it.
· Refusing to give of your time and energy unstintingly to others without giving yourself the same proportion of time and energy.
. Striving for balance within your life so that you are not the last person to whom you apportion your time and effort.

Recognizing your own needs, dealing with your own emotions, getting help when you need it, considering your personal goals throughout the period of your caregiving—all these things insure that you will have the endurance to care effectively for a long period of time, especially if that period of time begins to stretch from months to years. Taking care of yourself is not selfish when you are a caregiver. It is essential.

To maintain your well-being, experts agree that you must pay equal attention to five areas of your life:
1. Physical: the health of your body. Establishing good health habits, nutritious eating, rest, exercise and regular medical check-ups.
2. Mental: keeping a limber mind, learning something new every day, solving puzzles, maintaining a sense of humor, fostering your creativity, organizing your life experience in your mind, the sense of self-worth.
3. Emotional: the capacity to feel deeply, be sensitive to feelings (yours and those of others), a willingness to experience feelings and the appropriate responses to those feelings.
4. Spiritual: The core dimension of you, the profound sense of who you are. Living with a sense of hope, recognizing a set of clear values and a sense of worth and peace. Feeling that there is meaning and purpose to your life. Giving yourself time for quiet, reflection, prayer.
5. Relational: Developing rich and meaningful relationships with others. Building a supportive network of friends who offer understanding, closeness and empathy. Being part of a community of folks who care for one another.
from "Seeking Your Healthy Balance" by Donald and Nancy Tubesing

Remember also that you have other priorities after yourself and before your parent.
· If you are married, you made a commitment to your spouse that brought you together as a new family, separate from your parents. Statistically, your spouse will survive long after your parents have passed on. Long-term, it makes little sense to jeopardize your marriage and alienate your partner while caring for your aging parent.
. If you have children, your responsibility to them also takes precedence. Your parents are part of the past and guided you to where you are now. Your obligation is to see that your children are guided into the future. Do not ignore your children’s needs while caregiving; guiding the next generation is a way to honor your parents.

Suggestions:
· Read this blog, visit the Parentcare website, the Parentcare 101 Bookstore, use all the resources and suggestions you find to help you balance your life and remind you to nurture yourself.
. When you are overwhelmed, remind yourself that your first priority is you. Give yourself a 15-minute break of quiet, then set your priorities and tackle the problems facing you.

For Reflection and Sharing:
When you read "Your first priority is you.", what is your reaction? Do you think you can take this advice seriously? Have you taken this advice to extremes and ignore your parents' true needs? What would it mean in your life if you gave yourself the same measure of time, consideration and care that you do others? What one thing can you today to put a little more balance in your life?

Your First Priority: Resources

Many of the ideas in today's post Your First Priority Is You were taken from the following resources. Use them to help you find your balance in caregiving and set your priorities. Books that are in print are available through the Parentcare 101 Bookstore.

• Dolan, J. Michael. How to Care for Your Aging Parents…And Still Have a Life of Your Own! Los Angeles: Mullholland Pacific, 1992. (Read especially the Epilogue)
• Golden, Stephanie. Slaying the Mermaid: Women and the Culture of Sacrifice. Harmony, 1999.
• Louden, Jennifer. The Woman’s Comfort Book: A Self-Nurturing Guide for Restoring Balance in Your Life. HarperSanFrancisco, 2005.
• Moffatt, Betty Clare. The Caregiver’s Companion: Words to Comfort and Inspire. iUniverse, 2000.
• Tubesing, Donald A. and Nancy Loving Tubesing. Seeking Your Healthy Balance: A Do-it-yourself Guide to Whole Person Well-being. Pfeifer-Hamilton Publishers, 1991.
• Uustal, Diann B. Caring for Yourself - Caring for Others: The Ultimate Balance. Educational Resources in HealthCare, Incorporated, 1997. (Out-of-print, but worth reading. Check your local library).

To search for articles or more information on the web or in your library, try these search concepts combined with an AND:

Concept 1: Self-Care, Self-Nurturing, Wholeness, Whole Person Well-Being, Wholistic Medicine, Self-Help Techniques, Nurturing Behavior, Life Balance
Concept 2: Caregivers—Psychology (subject heading in library catalog), Caregiver Stress, Compassion, Fatigue

Search examples: Wholeness and Caregiver Stress; Life Balance and Caregivers; Wholistic Medicine and Compassion