Give Yourself a Gift

December is the big gift-giving season, and for many of you, buying or making or re-gifting was part of your routine. You continued to give care to a loved one, but in addition, you made sure that there were presents for your family members, friends, your child's teacher, the mailman. Didn't have to be something large or expensive, just something to express how you feel.

Did you remember to get yourself a gift? Did you select something that you really wanted, wrap it up and tag it "From Santa"?

Probably not. We usually don't. We think about how others will feel if they don't have a present. We spend a lot of energy choosing the right gift for a friend or relative. We expect those around us to give us presents, sometimes expecting that they'll get us just the right thing, even if we haven't given them any clues or hints what that right thing may be. Many times those close to us come through, and we're delighted.

But there's nothing written in any rule book that says we can't give ourselves a gift.

Maybe it's a new basketball or electronic gadget or a sweater we've had our eye on. Maybe it's the commitment to ask our neighbor to come and stay with our elder while we go to a movie. Maybe it's a long bubble bath. Maybe it's just time to sit and watch life unfold out our window.

This is the gift-giving season and as a caregiver, you do a lot of giving all year. How about acknowledging the effort, the love, and the care?

How about giving yourself a gift?

Happy Holidays, and blessings on your caregiving!

"Here We Come A-Caroling..."

Last Sunday, I joined friends at church for a Carol Sing and Pot Luck. Just a group of us around a piano with an acoustic guitar for interest, singing for all we were worth. I'm writing this while one of my favorite Christmas CDs plays in the background, and I find myself humming along. This evening while making dinner, I made a point of putting on Christmas music and singing along the whole time I was cooking.

And guess what? A very busy, stressful day turned brighter as I let myself get carried away with the music and added my own "special" rendition. Now I have the Chipmunks stuck in my head. And other beautiful, crazy, touching and funny music. Much better than anxiety over the snowy, icy weather; over what to get my father-in-law who has dementia for his community Christmas party; over too much work.

So I suggest that when your caregiving and holidays collide into near chaos, put on your favorite music and sing along. Right out loud. Go ahead, belt out the words. If you're singing Christmas carols, the rest of the family can join in. Doesn't matter if you're off key. Doesn't matter if you forget the words. You're just letting out some energy and embracing the lift singing out loud can give you.

So sing. Sing for joy. Sing for the holiday. Sing for life.

Blessings on your caregiving today.

Smile at the Cashier

We are in the midst of the holiday shopping, celebrating, expecting and remembering season. With caregiving adding another dimension to an already stressful (even fun can be stressful) time, practicing small acts of kindness help relieve some of the simmering energy that seems to follow us around. One of those acts is simple.

Every time you arrive at a check-out counter during the month of December, say a cheery hello and smile at the cashier.

Grin, even.

That's all. You don't have to make conversation (although connecting at the check-out can be very pleasant). You don't have to overdo it.

Even if you're having a crummy day, make those lips curve up, smile and say hello to the cashier. Hey, the guy or gal behind the counter is just trying to make a living, right? And odds are the cashier has nothing to do with your crummy day (if they do, that's for another post).

For just a moment, while you're at the check-out, lighten up. If you smile every time you greet a cashier, you will feel better. People around you will feel better, too. Guaranteed.

The holiday season is for feeling joy and cheer as well as stress and pressure. One way to feel joy and cheer is to ACT joyful and cheery.

Try it. You'll like it!

Blessings on your caregiving today.

Go Dancing!

Over the Thanksgiving holiday while visiting relatives, I learned that two couples in my family have taken up dancing as a way to make lemonade from life's more tangy lemons. One couple decided to spark up life with Salsa dancing, the other with general ballroom dancing. And since they are sharing this as a couple, the caregiver gets a break while taking time to keep the marriage connection strong. Another great example of a twofer. Square dancing is another type of dancing that some of my friends enjoy, and many maintain the activity well into their senior years. These couples say that it keeps them young and healthy.

Don't have a partner? Go for Country Line Dancing or Contra Dancing. There are no partners in Line dancing, it's low impact exercise and the country music is lively. Contra dancing is a form of dance that is done in two long lines. You hook up with a partner (or several during a dance session) while you're there. If you're not familiar with Contra dancing, watch one of the dance scenes from a movie based on Jane Austen's novels, like "Pride and Prejudice". Most Contra dancing groups give lessons right before the dance so that you'll learn the basic moves before the main event.

There are also aerobic dance exercise videos and/or DVDs, and plain old shakin' your booty to favorite tunes on the radio, your mobile player or an old vinyl record. Hip hop, ballet, tap, folk dancing--there are as many styles as there are music and emotions to express.

Let's be clear. Dancing is not about having the "right" moves. It's all about moving to a beat, relaxing and sweating a little--or a lot. Dancing makes your mind concentrate on your body and the music, not on your daily challenges. It's refreshing in so many ways. And it's adaptable. You can make your dance break a Mini-vacation (get up and dance to one song on the radio), a Pause-of-the-Day (take a dance lesson or move to a 45-min. dance video) or a Gift-of-the-Month (an evening of square dancing).

Pick your music, pick your style. Don't just sit there...Dance!

Blessings on your caregiving today!

LOL!

In Texting-land, LOL stands for "lots of laughs" or "laughed out loud". Today, I'm talking about the second translation. On Friday, I was getting my hair cut and my stylist and another stylist, along with all the clients in the salon were sharing stories about life--mostly funny, unexpected situations that people have found themselves in. There was a good deal of acting, voice impressions, pantomime, affirmation and Laughing Out Loud. Belly laughing, guffawing, hootin' and hollerin'. By the time I left, I had a fabulous new "do" and I felt light and easy.


My stylist shared that before this other stylist joined her in the shop, she didn't laugh much, didn't have much fun in her job. But now, because she works with another person who has a healthy funny bone, the styling is still great, but tension and the pressure in her gut are gone. Laughing out loud is good for the soul, good for your health.


In an earlier post, I suggested keeping a Need a Smile folder of humorous e-mails to help you laugh. But there is nothing so contagious as hearing a laugh from another person. When I'm working in my office, I sometimes hear my husband break out into uproarious laughter at a comedy he's watching downstairs, and it makes me grin. If I were in the room with him, I know I'd be laughing with him.

I'm sure you've had the experience, too. A smile on a friend's face grows into a smile on yours and then it just seems to escalate into a chuckle and then into a big laugh. And tension melts away in the physical release. Laughing together brings out the added dimension of face-to-face connecting and loving.

So LOL with someone soon. It's good for you!

Blessings on your caregiving.