Give Yourself a Gift

December is the big gift-giving season, and for many of you, buying or making or re-gifting was part of your routine. You continued to give care to a loved one, but in addition, you made sure that there were presents for your family members, friends, your child's teacher, the mailman. Didn't have to be something large or expensive, just something to express how you feel.

Did you remember to get yourself a gift? Did you select something that you really wanted, wrap it up and tag it "From Santa"?

Probably not. We usually don't. We think about how others will feel if they don't have a present. We spend a lot of energy choosing the right gift for a friend or relative. We expect those around us to give us presents, sometimes expecting that they'll get us just the right thing, even if we haven't given them any clues or hints what that right thing may be. Many times those close to us come through, and we're delighted.

But there's nothing written in any rule book that says we can't give ourselves a gift.

Maybe it's a new basketball or electronic gadget or a sweater we've had our eye on. Maybe it's the commitment to ask our neighbor to come and stay with our elder while we go to a movie. Maybe it's a long bubble bath. Maybe it's just time to sit and watch life unfold out our window.

This is the gift-giving season and as a caregiver, you do a lot of giving all year. How about acknowledging the effort, the love, and the care?

How about giving yourself a gift?

Happy Holidays, and blessings on your caregiving!

"Here We Come A-Caroling..."

Last Sunday, I joined friends at church for a Carol Sing and Pot Luck. Just a group of us around a piano with an acoustic guitar for interest, singing for all we were worth. I'm writing this while one of my favorite Christmas CDs plays in the background, and I find myself humming along. This evening while making dinner, I made a point of putting on Christmas music and singing along the whole time I was cooking.

And guess what? A very busy, stressful day turned brighter as I let myself get carried away with the music and added my own "special" rendition. Now I have the Chipmunks stuck in my head. And other beautiful, crazy, touching and funny music. Much better than anxiety over the snowy, icy weather; over what to get my father-in-law who has dementia for his community Christmas party; over too much work.

So I suggest that when your caregiving and holidays collide into near chaos, put on your favorite music and sing along. Right out loud. Go ahead, belt out the words. If you're singing Christmas carols, the rest of the family can join in. Doesn't matter if you're off key. Doesn't matter if you forget the words. You're just letting out some energy and embracing the lift singing out loud can give you.

So sing. Sing for joy. Sing for the holiday. Sing for life.

Blessings on your caregiving today.

Go Dancing!

Over the Thanksgiving holiday while visiting relatives, I learned that two couples in my family have taken up dancing as a way to make lemonade from life's more tangy lemons. One couple decided to spark up life with Salsa dancing, the other with general ballroom dancing. And since they are sharing this as a couple, the caregiver gets a break while taking time to keep the marriage connection strong. Another great example of a twofer. Square dancing is another type of dancing that some of my friends enjoy, and many maintain the activity well into their senior years. These couples say that it keeps them young and healthy.

Don't have a partner? Go for Country Line Dancing or Contra Dancing. There are no partners in Line dancing, it's low impact exercise and the country music is lively. Contra dancing is a form of dance that is done in two long lines. You hook up with a partner (or several during a dance session) while you're there. If you're not familiar with Contra dancing, watch one of the dance scenes from a movie based on Jane Austen's novels, like "Pride and Prejudice". Most Contra dancing groups give lessons right before the dance so that you'll learn the basic moves before the main event.

There are also aerobic dance exercise videos and/or DVDs, and plain old shakin' your booty to favorite tunes on the radio, your mobile player or an old vinyl record. Hip hop, ballet, tap, folk dancing--there are as many styles as there are music and emotions to express.

Let's be clear. Dancing is not about having the "right" moves. It's all about moving to a beat, relaxing and sweating a little--or a lot. Dancing makes your mind concentrate on your body and the music, not on your daily challenges. It's refreshing in so many ways. And it's adaptable. You can make your dance break a Mini-vacation (get up and dance to one song on the radio), a Pause-of-the-Day (take a dance lesson or move to a 45-min. dance video) or a Gift-of-the-Month (an evening of square dancing).

Pick your music, pick your style. Don't just sit there...Dance!

Blessings on your caregiving today!

LOL!

In Texting-land, LOL stands for "lots of laughs" or "laughed out loud". Today, I'm talking about the second translation. On Friday, I was getting my hair cut and my stylist and another stylist, along with all the clients in the salon were sharing stories about life--mostly funny, unexpected situations that people have found themselves in. There was a good deal of acting, voice impressions, pantomime, affirmation and Laughing Out Loud. Belly laughing, guffawing, hootin' and hollerin'. By the time I left, I had a fabulous new "do" and I felt light and easy.


My stylist shared that before this other stylist joined her in the shop, she didn't laugh much, didn't have much fun in her job. But now, because she works with another person who has a healthy funny bone, the styling is still great, but tension and the pressure in her gut are gone. Laughing out loud is good for the soul, good for your health.


In an earlier post, I suggested keeping a Need a Smile folder of humorous e-mails to help you laugh. But there is nothing so contagious as hearing a laugh from another person. When I'm working in my office, I sometimes hear my husband break out into uproarious laughter at a comedy he's watching downstairs, and it makes me grin. If I were in the room with him, I know I'd be laughing with him.

I'm sure you've had the experience, too. A smile on a friend's face grows into a smile on yours and then it just seems to escalate into a chuckle and then into a big laugh. And tension melts away in the physical release. Laughing together brings out the added dimension of face-to-face connecting and loving.

So LOL with someone soon. It's good for you!

Blessings on your caregiving.

Look Around You; REALLY Look

I've just gotten back from the UU Christian Fellowship Revival in Texas which counts toward my need to "Get Outta Dodge." Working from home, caregiving in your home, not ever leaving home--not good for your mental health. That would be a post in the Blog "Take a Vacation!", but we are in the business here of sharing ideas for Mini-vacations.

My break did remind me that no matter how big the Texas sky or vast the land there, I love the scenery of North Carolina. It speaks to me deep down. Not just the landscapes, but the view right out my windows. So today, for your mini-vacation, I invite you to look outside. Not a glance or a quick scan, but a 5- or 10-minute-study. Look out any window (or step out on the balcony, porch or deck to get smells and sound effects) and really look.

What do you see? A busy street with cars and trucks and motorcycles and SUV's? Is it tree-lined or paved? What colors do you see? Are the buildings brick or wood or siding? What color? What shape or texture? Or do you see a green lawn or stones in every shade of brown and beige? Any wildlife? Birds, bees, bears? Any pets masquerading as wildlife? Is it windy or calm? Is there sunlight bouncing around or is it overcast? What shape are the clouds...or is it clear? Are there people outside? How are they dressed? I have a friend that loves picking out people on the street and making up stories about where they're going and where they've been. Be a little creative if you want.

You can stop me any time now.

Your turn. Get up from your computer and look out the window. Really look.

Blessings on your caregiving today!

Buy Yourself Some Flowers

It would be really great if those who loved us could read our minds. Then, they would know when we needed a pick-me-up and they'd come through with a hug, or a card or flowers. But our closest friends and relatives do not have superpowers and can't read our minds (darn!). Sometimes we need to give ourselves that pick-me-up. That's the whole point of mini-vacations.

That's the whole point of flowers.

Flowers don't cost much. They're free if you raid your own yard or the neighbor's (with permission, of course). I can get a small bouquet of mixed flowers in an array of colors for $5 at my local grocery and I get about a week's worth of colorful pleasure. If you go to your local florist, you may be able to purchase just one rose or daisy or carnation and bring that bit of nature and color into your home.

Then you can take a little time arranging them in a vase, slipping them into a tall glass or just sticking them in a coffee can. Then you can decide where you'd like them displayed.

And all this time you're thinking about how pretty they are and how they brighten the place up. Nice break from other things that are usually on your mind.

Even guys like flowers. I know this because my husband is always pleasantly surprised whenever I bring home a small bunch just for him.

So don't wait for a telepath with mind-reading abilities to come your way. If you need a mini-vacation, pick up some flowers, take a little time with them. Then savor them while they last. Wow! The mini-vacation that keeps on giving. What's not to like?

Blessings on your caregiving day!

Mini-Vacation by Pet

For my mini-vacation today, I pet the cat--and I don't even own a cat.

For you pet owners (even if your children are the "owners"), you already have a good handle on the "Mini-vacation by Pet". When you're feeling down or overwhelmed, you call to your pet and the roaming, four-legged kind comes to share a hug or a brief tussle. Or you meander over to the rabbit, bird or guinea pig cage and watch the little creature do its rabbit, bird or guinea pig thing. Mini-vacation by Pet is a marvelous event.

At this moment in my life, I don't have a pet, so I borrow my neighbor's. In our neighborhood, a quiet circle of townhomes, we have the official neighborhood cat. There are plenty of dogs who appear regularly at the end of their owners' leashes, but only one outdoor cat who has made the townhome circle and the surrounding land and woods his personal territory. His name is Fritz. He's slate grey with snow white markings and a quiet confidence that has most of the bird population shaking in their feathers. He transforms into Fritz, the Hunter, hunched and stealthy, when he's on the quest of a squirrel to tree.

He knows when I open my front door. He stops what he's doing and trots over to curl through my legs. I make sure that his head, neck and ears get a lot of attention because that's what he likes. I take time to talk with him and feel the soft fur under my fingers. I appreciate his lean, athletic form and his long grey tail. He purrs and meows and we share a few moments of simple companionship. Then as if by mutual consent, we both move away, he to another neighborhood adventure, me back into the house.

And I feel better. Simple as that.

Have you taken your mini-vacation today?

Blessings on your caregiving!

Blow Some Bubbles

For my mini-vacation today, I blew bubbles. Lots of shiny, floaty, pretty bubbles.

Last weekend, my husband and I celebrated a friend's wedding. I remember when the bride and groom were showered with rice as they left the church. Rice symbolizes fertility, wishing the couple prosperity in their marriage, and feeding the Evil Spirits so they'll stay away. Sometime in the 1990's American wedding parties began using alternatives, like confetti, popcorn, flower petals, or birdseed. Our friends arranged for each of us to get a tiny plastic bottle of bubble soap. As they walked from the church to the trolley car (another story), we showered them with bubbles.

Of course, we didn't use all our bubble soap at the wedding, so the bottles came home with us. And now, I'm putting them to good use for mini-vacations.

There is something very relaxing about creating bubbles with your own breath. It's a bit magical. There's this shiny film of liquid poised in the oval of plastic, dripping just a little, and then you gently blow. And a bounty of bubbles appear, floating in shiny abandon until they pop. Amazing.

You don't need to attend a wedding. You could buy some bubble solution at a store. But you can also make your own solution at home. You can become a bubble-blowing expert. Goodness, the possibilities are endless!

But as caregivers, we know that we probably don't have time to become a bona fide bubble-blowing expert. At least not right now. But we can dunk our little ring in bubble solution and blow. Imagine some of your troubles popping into oblivion. Imagine your wishes, hopes and prayers rising into the universe. Just watch the play of light over the bubbles.

Bubbles make great mini-vacations. All you have to do is...blow.

Blessings on your caregiving day!

The Need a Smile Folder

I had a wonderful time at the Golden Jubilee exhibition yesterday and encourage all of you again to explore the conferences and exhibits in your local area. Often your local Office on Aging or the Area Agency on Aging will have information about local meetings where eldercare providers show off their services and where you can gather information.

While I was away, I received an e-mail from my sister which contained a half-dozen cartoons featuring Maxine, the crusty senior citizen who tells it like it is and makes me laugh out loud. It was one of my mini-vacations for the day--and a delightful one. I immediately saved that e-mail in a folder called "Need a Smile?". There are about 20 e-mails stored there, some funny, some inspirational, all sent by friends near and far who were thinking of me and sent me their good wishes. I do receive humor that doesn't make me laugh and some inspirational pieces that are too sappy for my taste, so I save only the "best" (my personal judgment) in the Need a Smile folder.

I know of other people who do the same thing in paper by cutting out articles and cartoons from magazines or newspapers and keeping them handy when life feels particularly rough. It only takes one or two of these to make the day a little brighter.

If you don't have a Need a Smile folder, start one today. Electronic, paper or both. Then when you need that mini-vacation, you have a good laugh or inspiration right there.

Blessings on your caregiving!

Long Distance Comfort

I've been out of town on a business trip, and the week away reminded me of the trips I made back to my hometown while caring for my Mom. Long-distance caregiving is defined as living over 30 minutes away from the elder who needs care. This definition is a practical one. If you spend 30 minutes driving to and from your parent's place and spend an hour or two handling the current situation or visiting, you have spent the morning or afternoon in caregiving. You will have to arrange to be away from your job or find childcare during that time.

Today I'd like to talk to those of you whose parents live a day's drive away or more. In your case, a daytrip is not possible. Your visits may mean at least a weekend or more.

There are many aspects of longer-distance eldercare that are worrisome and difficult, but one of the most unsettling things is that, for bursts of time, you will be traveling and living in a place that is unfamiliar—your parent’s home (which is no longer yours), a relative's apartment, a hotel room. You will be without the surroundings that give you comfort. Your spouse, life partner or children may or may not be able to go with you, so another part of your support is missing.

These times away from home will be stressful. Don’t add to the stress by cutting yourself off from everything that makes you smile and feel comfortable. You are doing your best for your parent. Plan for Mini-vacations and Pauses-of-the-Day. Pack a bit of home to take with you. Think about where you'll be staying and what will give you most pleasure. Consider...

• Tapes, downloads or CD’s of your favorite music. Don’t forget to bring along a player if your parent doesn't have one.
• Keep your cell phone with you, even if you turn it off. Make sure you have the phone numbers of your best friends on speed dial in case you need some long-distance hugs.
• Plan on watching that favorite ball game or sports event on TV.
• Bring your favorite pajamas, robe or quilt, something to relax in after a stressful day.
• Bring a stuffed animal (this is no time to be shy about Fluffy!).
• To move your whole body, pack walking or exercise clothes and shoes.
• If cooking or baking relaxes you, bring your favorite recipes to cook or bake your favorite foods.
• Pack your personal journal to let out those pent up emotions.
• Bring your favorite books--in paper, electronic reader, or tape.
• If this is a visit of longer than a weekend, plan to do one favorite thing while you’re there—take in a movie, golf, visit a museum.
• DVD's of movies or TV shows slip easily into luggage. Bring something that will make you laugh or escape into a fictional world. Don't forget a player.
• Bring bubble bath, favorite cologne, scented candles, a picture of your significant other.
• For longer stays, consider bringing your pet if the situation will not be unsuitable or tax you further.
• Bring your favorite coffee, tea, soda pop, foods. Your own brand of coffee in the morning can brighten the day.

You have the idea. Pack up your comfort and take it with you.

Blessings on your caregiving!

Move Your Whole Body

There's a Curves gym a short walk from my house, and I just got back from a good, relaxing workout. I have to admit that words like "exercise", "workout" and "gym" bring to mind images of a roomful of sweaty people who look determined but not very happy. I've tried to change my mind set to "move your whole body" every day.

For a Mini-vacation that may mean walking up and down the stairs 3 times or doing knee lifts for 1 minute; for a Pause of the Day, that may mean a walk around the block (twice if you have little blocks) or mopping the kitchen floor.

Yesterday, "move your whole body" meant transferring winter clothes from the master bedroom into another bedroom closet and moving the spring/summer clothes in. It took 30 minutes of hauling clothes from one room to another and folding things into drawers. Talk about your weight training, cardio, and stretching!

Other days, it means Tai Chi or an exercise video or calisthenics chosen from a FitDeck. Some days I take two breaks--one to vacuum the downstairs, another to vacuum the upstairs.

My aunt doesn't run through the commercials on her recorded TV shows. During the commercials, she gets up and walks around room. For an hour show, there's 15 minutes of movement without even trying hard. Chasing your dog, chasing your children, chasing your spouse (Ooh La La!). All these count.

If your parent is wheelchair-bound and taking her out for a roll would give you both pleasure, then go ahead.

You don't have to think "sport" or "workout". Just think "Get up off my backside and move my whole body." And make sure that PLEASURE is a key component of the experience.

Take some time right now. What activities can you identify that are not sports or traditional exercise, but that allow you to move? What do you already have available to you (videos, a gym close by, a jump rope, catchy music with a beat) that you can have on hand for a Mini-vacation or POD? What types of movement do you enjoy or that complete a chore you'd like to finish?

Blessings on your movement...and your caregiving!

Yoga Care for Hands

Here's a mini-vacation you give to your hands as well as to your spirit. You have, no doubt, heard of the different forms of Yoga that provide a full-body and mind stretching and strengthening. This month I was introduced to a form of Hand Yoga, and I share it with you as a way to take a break and soothe those tired muscles and tendons in your fingers, palms and wrists.

Warm-up. Begin by "washing" your hands (no water, no soap, just skin-to-skin), rubbing them together, making sure you gently rub each finger along its length. Count 20 seconds to make sure you've spent long enough. Get everything nice and warm. Then begin the exercise.

Step 1. Place your hands in a classic prayer or honor position--palms together, fingers together, all fingertips pointed to the sky. Make sure that your elbows stick out and press your palms lightly together.

Step 2. Keeping the heels of your hands together, slowly open your hands, starting at the top of your fingertips, slowly down your fingers, finally opening the palm. The heels of your hand are still pressed together and your hands form a "V", your fingers curved slighty backward so you feel a pleasant stretch. After a slow 3 count, bring your hands together again slowly, palms first, then fingers, then fingertips. You are now back to the beginning prayer position.

Step 3. Still keeping the insides of your hands together skin-to-skin, simply spread your fingers so that they resemble a lady's fan, held at a right angle to your body. Give yourself a nice, gentle stretch in this position. Elbows remain sticking out.

Step 4. With your fingers spread, open your hands again slowly, this time starting at the heel of the hand, separating palms next, then fingers, until only your fingertips are touching. Now your hands form an open-air, curved roof.

Step 5. Keep your fingertips touching while you pull all your fingertips together. With your fingertips all touching in the center, your hands form the infinity sign, a figure 8 on its side. Other images are two bird beaks touching, a pair of thick-rimmed glasses, or a mask.

Step 6. Keep your fingertips touching and move your hand back into the open-air, curved roof position of Step 4.

Step 7. Close the space between your hands so that they again form the Lady's Fan of Step 3. Bring your fingers together to return to the beginning prayer position.

Repeat Steps 2 through 7 three times slowly and deliberately. Keep those elbows sticking out. After the final repetition, gently flick your hands several times as if you were flicking water off them. You're done!

Hand Yoga positions, called Mudras, are varied, and a quick search of the Internet retrieved many hand positions that you can hold for relaxing and healing.

Here's to Happy Hands!

The Mini-Vacation List

So far, in our discovery of mini-vacations, we've talked about 8 different ways that you can take a short break throughout the day, whenever you need it. Eight ways means that you can try a different one each day for a week and see which one (or more) works best for you.

It's time to start a list.

Right now is a good time to jot down those mini-vacations that do work for you and keep that list handy. You may want to post it on your computer, in your PDA, on the refrigerator, in your parent's Care Log--all of the above and anywhere else that's easy to get to. Add to the list as you discover new ways to pause. Then when you need that break, you can whip out the list, look it over and choose a mini-vacation. Ah-h-h.

So far, here's the list:

• Light a Candle
• Take 3 Deep Breaths
• Watch the Birdies Go Tweet!
• Get a Hug
• Is It Important?
• Daily Calendar
• Count Your Blessings
• Consider the Empty Bowl

Have you found anything else that gives you a lift and helps you center yourself for the next task? Add it to the list.

And share it with us.

Blessings on your caregivng day!

Take 3 Deep Breaths

You've heard people encourage one another, "Take a breath", meaning "stop a moment" or "don't run on so frantically." I say it frequently here as a reminder that we don't need to run headlong into activity. We're allowed to pause. That's what mini-vacations are all about.

Today's suggestion for a mini-vacation is a simple one. When life starts to pile up on you, take three deep breaths.

And I mean, "deep", from the belly, not from the throat, not from the chest. Breathe in through your nose and let your belly (that's right, where your belly button is) relax and expand. You women out there, don't worry about looking fat. You're doing this for your sanity. It doesn't take much time. You can suck in your tummy later. For now, let it expand and fill with air as you breathe in, slowly and steadily.

Then breathe out slowly and completely, through either your mouth or nose. The idea is to blow out all your tension with the air. Allow your shoulders and neck to relax as the breath pours out. Close your eyes if it will help you to expel the tension.

Concentrate on what you're doing, how you feel, how much tension is released, the point at which there's no more air to blow out.

Complete the breath.

Then repeat. Twice.

Now move on with your day. Doesn't that feel better?

Blessings on your caregiving!

Pause for a Reality Check

As caregivers--and in our other life roles--we sometimes create drama around how important our activities are. We load up on anxiety believing that if we don't accomplish something immediately or don't act right now, the whole world will fall apart. At least our little corner of it. I find myself falling into that stress-anxiety cycle, and I'm not a primary caregiver at the moment.

How do we control that anxious reaction to our situation?

I saw a recent report of research that discovered that people can control their irritated and angry reactions by asking one simple question: How important is this?

I've used this question to explore the source of my own nervousness and anxiety, but I frame it more specifically: On my personal Importance Scale of 1 to 10, 10 being imminent injury or death, how close to 10 is this situation?

We throw out the phrase "a matter of life and death" without really thinking. "A matter of life and death" is when a surgeon calls a librarian (me) and says that he is operating on a child, and he has encountered an unexpected complication in surgery. He expected and is familiar with two things he sees in the operative field, but the third is not usual. He'd like to know (right now, please) if this third condition has ever been reported in the literature. Any information would be helpful. This qualifies for a 9 or 10 on the Importance Scale.

Today's reality is that I have overbooked my schedule, want to visit a friend recovering from surgery, plan to exhibit at a local conference tomorrow and realize I may not have a car. Yes, this is all stressful, but certainly down near 1 to 3 on the Importance Scale. My anxiety often comes from pride. I like to be in control, like to be on top of things. I feel that I'm really good at time management. But life has a way of grinning and going its own way. Time for that reality check.

When your own anxiety meter starts to ratchet up (Yes, you know what it feels like. Either the tense stomach, aching shoulders, squeezing headache, or some other physical sign that is your personal symptom), your mini-vacation should be a pause to ask

"How Important Is This?"

and then use the Importance Scale to get some perspective.

Most of the time, you'll recognize that what you're trying to accomplish or solve is not so critical. A little time, a bit of adjustment on your part, a shift of your perspective will resolve the issue or show you a different way to approach it.

One small question. One small caregiver victory.

Try it. Let us know if it works for you.

Happy mini-vacation!

Consider the Empty Bowl

There is a story Sue Bender relates in her book “Everyday Sacred” of a monk who, each morning, takes his empty begging bowl in his hands and stands in the flow of crowds in the city. Whatever is put in the bowl that day—money, rice a bit of fruit—he uses for his nourishment. Each morning he begins again with an empty bowl, and each day he finds that he receives enough to live.

Each morning we are blessed with a new day. A new beginning. Whatever we did the day before, whatever decisions we made, are done. Finished. Can not be taken back.

But the new day provides the opportunity to do something new. To change the direction that we might have chosen yesterday. To begin again.

Move on. Move forward. Look back only to seek clues for how to move forward today.

Nothing is set in stone.

For each morning, you have an empty bowl.

For your mini-vacation, find a bowl in your house—any bowl. Something that reflects you. If you love to bake, perhaps a mixing bowl; if you cherish fine china, a piece from your favorite pattern; a cereal bowl that you use for breakfast. Place the bowl where you can see it and remind yourself that yesterday is past. You have an empty bowl into which to gather new gifts, new decisions, new challenges, new woes, new joys.

Maybe things are not going very well today. Mini-vacation!

Consider your empty bowl.

Remind yourself to do something different, to look at the problem from a new perspective, to seek out new advice.

Are you berating yourself for past decisions? Do you miss the present because you’re focused on the past? Can you not look at today with fresh eyes because of the past? Do you sit in judgment on yourself? Mini-vacation!

Consider your empty bowl.

Life gives you endless chances to make a new decision, change directions, take a breath. Life gives you an empty bowl.

Blessings on your caregiving day!

A Calendar a Day

One of the best items ever created for lightening the day is the Page-a-Day calendar. And I will shamelessly co-opt these handy little helpers for our Mini-vacations.

You've seen them in gift shops, book displays, and of course in those shops in the mall devoted to calendars. They're usually a standard size, about 5" X 6", just enough to display nicely on your desk, workbench or kitchen counter. And they come in a variety of topics--jokes, games, languages, quotes, inspiration, tips, pets, puzzles, comics. I'm partial to the Scrabble(TM) calendar and Dilbert comics. But I've used ones for women who do too much and scripture verses. You really can't miss with these babies.

Now I know that there are many websites and electronic versions of these page-a-day calendars. I'll even share some good websites in the future. But there's something about having a calendar in paper (you can recycle!).

A daily paper calendar reminds you that yesterday has passed, you can't see tomorrow, so your best plan is to focus on today. Rip off a page. That's right, give it some attitude. Yesterday's gone. A new day!

It would be nice if our concerns and troubles could be solved just that easily, but at least with a page-a-day calendar, you take action to separate one day from another and give yourself a pat on the pack for getting through the day just past.

If you want to browse the possibilities, go to your favorite search engine and type in "daily calendars". Skip all the entries for the government calendars of daily activities. You have enough things in your life that will raise your blood pressure. Watching state or local government move ponderously forward will not help you lower it. There are several websites that specialize in paper calendars and there you can browse and get an idea of what might suit you.

Pictures and facts about dogs. Or cats. Or fish. Music. Inspiration. Favorite TV show. Dream Cars. Fact or Crap (this is real!). Golf. Sudoku.

This is something you choose totally for you.

It's not too late to start for 2010. Find a calendar. Rip a page every day. And take time out from your caregiving to take care of you.

Blessings to you!

Get a Hug...And Then Another

A hug is an excellent mini-vacation. You connect with another living, breathing human being. A hug is warm and wonderfully supportive. A hug lets someone else care for you.

Mind you, hugs come in various varieties. So I am not advocating those wimpy embraces where a four-inch space separates you from your hug partner and everybody's elbows are poking out. Those kinds of hugs are hardly worth it. And avoid the vise-huggers. They believe that a good hug should squeeze the air out of you so you're gasping for breath and wondering how your nose got smashed against their chest.

No, my fellow caregivers, find people who will let you wrap yourself around them, move in close and hug you like they care deeply for you. You need an embrace long enough to allow time to sink into the comfort of warmth and strength. You need to feel supported, not smothered or afraid that the other person will break. Think about the child who jumps into your arms with no inhibitions, and wraps herself around you. Truly, that's the kind of hug that gives you the connection you need.

If you're short on people, a pet can offer good hug potential. Same principles apply. Goldfish? Not a good hug. Too slippery. Gerbils? Too small. Cow? Now there is some possibility if you like cows. I'm partial to dogs, but a good llama can work, too.

But really, folks, there is nothing like the hug of a spouse, a child, a friend, a family member who wraps you in love and care. Just walk right up to one of these special people and say, "I need a hug."

Nothing wrong with asking for what you really need.

Get a hug (or two or twelve) today!

Light a Candle

It's winter right now in the Northern Hemisphere and that means short days, skies of slate gray, piles of snow at times, and the tension of cabin fever crawling up your spine.

It's a time for candles.

There's a reason why February 2--in addition to being Groundhog Day, a Quarter day in the solstice calendar and a Roman festival to Pan--was called CANDLEMAS in the Christian calendar. Well, all right. The Christians took over Pan's festival and transformed the torch-lit street festivities into a more sedate candle-lit procession. They both had the right idea. In the darker days of winter, Let There Be Light! And lots of it.

You can celebrate, too, with a Candle Mini-Vacation. Any candle will do. Tiny little tea light; big, fat 3-wick; slender taper. You pick the size, the color, the scent. Put it in a safe place (out of reach of children, pets, ailing elders and wayward spouses) where you can see it. Take a deep breath...and light it.

And watch.

Notice the color of the flame. Does the flame flicker as the furnace kicks up a gentle current? Is the flame unmoving in stillness? Catch a whiff of the candle's scent or the lingering burnt tang in the air. Clear your mind of all that is pressing in at the moment and just enjoy the soothing simplicity of the candle.

Leave it burning for a while, or blow it out. Light it again later.

Until the candle has melted down to a puddle or burned away to nothing, you have instant mini-vacation. I'm heading to my matches and my cafe-au-lait pillar candle right now.

Blessings on your caregiving day!

Watch the Little Birdies Go Tweet!

I'm not talking about the tweeting on Twitter or the cartoon Tweety Bird (even though she's a favorite!). I'm talking about watching our feathered friends who hop around on our lawns, across our decks and perhaps in our indoor cages. Taking a few minutes to observe the birds flit about, scrounge for food and just sit there can be very relaxing and can remind you of the whole of nature that exists and continues to thrive right beside your current situation.

There are lots of ways to watch birds. And just as Your Situation is Unique in caregiving (Care Tip #3 in Caring for a Distant Parent), your bird watching opportunities right where you live will also be unique.

1) The easiest way to watch is to take a little time to observe the surroundings right around your home or apartment. Where do birds congregate within sight? What time of the day do they appear (birds do have rhythm!). Then when you need a mini-vacation, be at the window or on the porch at that time and watch for a few minutes.

2) Draw the birds in closer. Go to the local hardware store and buy a small bag of "all purpose" birdseed, usually the store brand. It's inexpensive and several bird families like that seed. Scatter the seed where you'd like the birds to appear. If you scatter, they will come.

3) Get formal and buy a window-mounted bird feeder. These come in small sizes or in the large economy sizes, but the point is that you will hang your feeder on any window--somewhere you can easily and safely refill the feeder--fill it with that all purpose seed and see who shows up for lunch.

4) Get crazy and buy a whole set of feeders with pole systems and hanging hooks and suet feeders and nut feeders and ones that look like lighthouses and others made from copper that shine in the sun and...

Sorry, I've got a small deck system that holds 4 feeders and I participate in the winter Feederwatch for Cornell University, so I'm just a little crazy.

5) Or go indoor crazy, do some research on birds that do well in cages and buy a pair to live in your home with you and provide endless mini-vacation possibilities.

Birds reside everywhere that we do. (In big cities, the birds are called "urban birds". So sheek.) So go to your window. Walk out on your balcony. Hang a feeder. Scatter some seed. See what kind of feathery beauty appears. Smile at the antics. Scold the birds for arguing over a sunflower seed. Share your troubles.

Just lovin' these mini-vacations.

Blessings on your caregiving day!